We’ve had a lot of talk about the EU referendum in the UK of late, and much of it has been pretty nasty. Occasionally, when surrounded by argument, a person has to resort to a coffee and pastry to cheer themselves up: I did, and wrote this.
I’ve made a plan for this week, for this show-down’s not for me:
The bickering and posturing between rival MPs;
Mud-slinging in the media, both social and in print:
And prejudice from journalists once thought intelligent.
The Leave campaign yell: “If we stay, we’ll sink into the sea
Between the cost of membership and swathes of refugees
We’ll drown in Greek-style penury and then we’ll lose our jobs
Which will probably be taken by hordes of Turkish mobs
The politicos in Brussels will take our sovereignty
And force us to adopt the single Euro currency!
We’ll have no more such nonsense! And we strongly believe
We can pay for all our hospitals by simply voting Leave!”
And judging by their single bit of paper through my door
The Remain campaign’s main rhetoric is similarly poor.
“If you don’t tick the Remain box on June 23
Then our entire population will attempt to flee!
For businesses won’t deal with us: there’ll probably be war
Between Britain and the rest of Europe by June 24
There’ll be no more foreign holidays to Portugal or Spain
For nobody will let us in if we don’t vote Remain
The Scots and Welsh will both devolve and be off like a shot
And we hear that even Cornwall has a devolution plot
And lastly but by no means least – who do you want in charge?
Do you really want a country led by Boris or Farage?”
Meanwhile, arguments fly back and forth on Facebook and on Twitter
And many sound quite personal and not a little bitter
So I’ve made a plan for this week that will keep me quite objective
And ensure that I maintain a purely rational perspective.
I’ll start by having breakfast, and I know just what I’ll want:
An Italian espresso and a French almond croissant
Then I’ll stroll along the pavement in my shoes that came from Spain
(With my German car as backup in case of heavy rain)
On the way to work, I may decide to make a stop
And pick up my weekly shopping at the local Polish shop
I could buy olives (which might well be Cypriot or Greek)
Or a bar of Belgian chocolate to see me through the week
If I’m feeling decadent, Dutch waffles could be an idea
And for later in the evening, a Czech or Polish beer
And perhaps I’ll buy some port (exported by the Portuguese)
Which always goes quite well with slices of Danish blue cheese.
If I get a call, I’ll answer on my Finnish mobile phone
With a tune from Mozart (Austrian) as a tasteful ringing tone
My work will be obliged to let me leave when I am through:
Since the European Working Time Directive tells them to.
Finally, I might meet up for coffee with my mates
Who hail from all around the European member states
And as Thursday dawns, I’ll sink into my Swedish-made settee
And ponder what the EU has ever done for me.
Whatever your views on the referendum, please vote on the 23rd if you’re eligible – there is some impartial information out there. I found this lecture from the University of Liverpool very informative.