My child is not a genius. He’s fairly bright at best,
He doesn’t have attainment medals glowing from his chest,
He’s pretty well behaved – at least, I don’t hear that he’s naughty –
He’s not a music prodigy, or known for being sporty.
He’s reading not too badly, can decipher what’s on signs,
His writing’s not too scrawly if he keeps between the lines,
He doesn’t have additional needs as far as I can tell,
And up to yesterday, I thought that he was doing well.
But then I got the test results, and thanks to you, I’ve learned
That instead of being proud, I really ought to be concerned.
A five year old that reads and writes seemed pretty good to me –
(Even though he gets confused between the letters B and D)
But it seems he’s way behind, and the levels that he meets
Only indicate a future washing cars or sweeping streets.
His spelling should be perfect, and he should be writing prose
That echoes that of Dickens’ or Edgar Allen Poe’s
He should know abstract maths and science, engineering too,
And write in perfect cursive – which I know that I can’t do.
And since he can’t, say experts, then the problem lies with me:
I clearly feed him crap and let him watch too much TV
I believed it when the experts said I ought to give him space,
To let him do the things he likes and learn at his own pace,
I didn’t teach him how to read before he started school,
Because they said I’d do it wrong and he would look a fool,
I don’t know what the others did, but rest assured, I see
That my five year old’s a failure and the fault is down to me.
You told us in the news last night that kids need to be smart,
To concentrate on SPaG and STEM and not on books and art,
Our children should learn more and more, enjoy themselves far less,
And the best way to ensure this is by giving them more tests.
Well, Education Secretary, I guess I don’t agree
For knowledge for its own sake’s an important thing for me
I want my son to love to learn, be curious, be keen –
Not just be another product of the UK’s test machine.
So when my son looks scared at every piece of work he gets,
When he only reads and writes under the greatest of duress,
When his teachers are burned out and stressed with no time to inspire,
And you tell the schools they’ll close unless results keep getting higher,
When all the joy of learning’s gone and there’s no time for fun –
That’s the kind of education you’ve created for my son.